Denoes And Geddes Ltd Red Stripe

I always wanted to try a Red Stripe ever since I read the James Bond novels and found it was his favourite beer. Unfortunately I had to wait some time before I stumbled upon it...and after it.

The sea was angry that day my friends, and so was I. Here I was on the island of Tenerife and I was surrounded by fat, lobster red Geordies all shooting daggers at me because they thought I was the enemy - a Londoner!

I sought refuge in one of the many authentic English bars you'd hope to find on a Spanish island. You know the type? The kind that plays Aga-bloody-doo, flys the Union Jack, serves fish and chips, is filled with men who think socks and sandals are fashionable, and is run by an Eastender with a name like Boris the Bullet Dodger, Handsome Rob, or any other character name Guy Richie would be proud of.

If it wasn't for the fact they were playing an episode of Bottom on the tele I'd never have stopped in...after all, the last thing I wanted was a warm beer on a hot Summers day. Hence my direct request. "Gimme a beer! Don't care what it is. Just make sure it's bloody cold! Witch's tit cold!"

Surprise, surprise! Not only was it cold, it was caked in ice! It was Red Stripe. So I says to the Barkeeper, "Oi, Barkeep. Always wanted to try one of these. Never knew where to get one. What's it like?"

"Dunno," says Handsome Rob the Bullet Dodging Cockney, "Never tried one. Too bloody cold for me!"

"Well, at least it's cold," I says, "So I don't really care what it tastes like right now."

And it tasted like I imagined the girl in the Stone's Brown Sugar tasted like. 'Brown Sugar...How come you taste so good?'

She was dark, sweet, and she had me mesmerised.

The remaining 9 days of my 10 day stay were spent on that barstool. After all, Tenerife is the British Bali...so Heaven is where you find it. And I found it in a bottle with a Red Stripe.